A radio comedy by Lizzie Hopley: England 1587, a year before the Spanish Armada. Nervous new bride Florence Whitsheet is terrified that she won't live up to her husband's idealised image of her and has prepared for the wedding night. But when the love-blind (and highly superstitious) Alistair discovers her fake hairpiece, intimate padding, several layers of face-paint and built-up shoes, he collapses in shock, calling for her arrest. The devastated Flo is visited in jail by the Queen's Secretary, Lord Burghley. Due to a need to curb Spanish influence in the country and control the escalating trend in female adornment, a new Beauty Law has been introduced. Under this law, any woman who traps a man of the realm into marriage via sorcery of self-embellishment will be tried under the Witchcraft Act and if found guilty, sentenced to death.

Burghley/Landlord ...... John Rowe
Alistair ...... Tom Burke
Florence ...... Amanda Root
Albery/Sergeant ...... Toby Longworth
Wells ...... Alan Cox
Hollis ...... Lisa Moore
Elizabeth ...... Annette Badland

Director Lu Kemp.