Holiday Gifts for the Deserving
It is a time of joy – more so for the red than the blue states – and good will. At least that’s what George Bush said after the election. It is also a time of gifts for those who have made 2004 such a special year for all of us. No refunds. No exchanges. All get what they need and deserve.
President George Bush: A “Get Out of Iraq Free” card.
The American Troops in Iraq: A ticket to home for the new year.
Saddam Hussein: A trial before he’s too old to care. The devil’s just deserts.
Vice President Dick Cheney: A duck-hunting weekend with the entire Supreme Court of the United States. An assault rifle so he won’t have to aim.
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld: A new limousine, custom-fitted with hillbilly armor.
Outgoing Secretary of State Colin Powell: A job where he gets some respect.
Attorney General Designate Alberto Gonzalez: A leather-bound copy, in big print, of the Geneva Conventions.
All the Bush Cabinet Nominees: A year’s worth of green cards to cover their domestic help.
The Democratic Party: A brain.
The Republican Party: A heart.
Former President Bill Clinton: An autographed copy of Barbara Bush’s classic, The First Lady’s Guide to Etiquette and Decorum.
Senator Hillary Clinton: A rare copy of the campaign memoirs of Geraldine Ferraro.
Florida Governor Jeb Bush: A tee shirt embroidered with his immortal quote: "I'm not going to run for president in 2008.”
Texas Representative Tom Delay: The guest of honor invitation to next year’s Thanksgiving “pardon the turkey” ceremony at the White House.
Senator John Kerry: A free political strategy session with the high-flying consulting firm of Mondale, Dukakis, & Gore.
Senator John McCain: A compendium of all the nice things that George W. Bush said about him in 2000.
Every Reporter in America: A two-week tour following Sy Hersh around wherever he goes.
The Guy Who Paid $65,000 for a Ghost on eBay: First bid on a nice big bridge I have for sale in Brooklyn.
And For All: A wonderful holiday and happy New Year.
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Lawrence Brooks Hughes - 1/2/2005
Gifts the American People Can Expect:
--Prompt confirmation of about 20 delayed nominees to federal bench
--A successful election in Iraq, like in Afghanistan
--Continued drop in the price of oil, drilling in ANWAR
--Legal system reforms: class actions, medical, etc.
--Agreement on Social Security private accounts
--Standardization of ID functions of drivers' licences
--Accelerating disgust with the United Nations
--Accelerating meltdown of the liberal MSM networks
--A growing realization by everyone that the Democratic Party cannot possibly return to power for at least four years, leading to increased cooperation in Congress under Republican leadership, and better legislation than would have been the case with close votes and protracted debate. Senators Corzine and Dodd will return to their respective states to be governor, further weakening the Democratic minority in the Senate, and several other Democratic senators who will be well over 70 at the start of their next terms will decline to run again. Which? Take your pick from Jeffords, Sarbanes, Feinstein, Byrd, Kennedy, Kohl, and Akaka. Karl Rove will target others with some success, perhaps defeating Dayton and one or both Nelsons. (The GOP will have only three over 70 in 2007: Lugar, Hatch and Burns, and none who are very vulnerable.
All in all, the national pivot which began in 1980, and gained enormous momentum in 1994, is now coming into full flower. The revolutionary and somewhat glorious foreign policy changes by George W. Bush in his first term have now been ratified by the people, and cannot be reversed.
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