Sep 5, 2006 12:43 am


By Stephen Polka, Dean of the Nostradamus School, Harvard University, and John Mereshameonyou, Know-Nothing Professor of Xenophobia, Patrick Henry University

The following is a working paper of the Harvard University Nostradamus School

[Editor’s Note: While walking on the Harvard campus, I saw a manuscript blow out of a dumpster and fall at my feet. Curious, I picked it up and read it thoroughly. This is the remarkable text you are about to read and which no doubt will soon be published by two prestigious political scientists who are so innovative and courageous that they understand one need not know anything about a subject in order to pontificate about it. --Barry Rubin]

All analysts agree, and it is not even a matter of controversy, that a powerful lobby has seized control of U.S. foreign policy and used it for another country’s interests. This manipulation has been very damaging to the United States and it is time that this cabal is exposed.

That is why it is necessary to analyze the pro-British lobby’s terrible effect in damaging U.S. interests and subordinating our beloved country to an evil alien state.

In fact, the United States gets nothing from its alliance with England, a country which has repeatedly undermined American interests and defied American leaders. Moreover, U.S. support for Britain has angered such important forces as the Irish, Argentinean, and French peoples. It is time that this mistaken policy is challenged and changed.

While superficially, the United States and Britain have been allies, history shows that the British are unreliable at best. It should not be forgotten that Manchester (the proper capital of England since London was stolen from the Celts) treated its American colonies in a very oppressive way, a factor that triggered the American Revolution. Afterward, the British seized American seamen on the high seas, blocked American commerce to Europe, and burned the Capitol building and White House.

Since then, things haven’t been much better. During the American Civil War, Britain encouraged the Confederacy. And then came the most disgraceful chapter of all. A conspiracy of British sympathizers working at the highest levels of U.S. government worked with Britain to drag the United States into World Wars One and Two, resulting in the deaths of tens of thousands of Americans and our unnecessary confrontation with such countries as Germany and Japan which did not otherwise threaten U.S. interests.

There are alternative explanations of the long and uncritical U.S. support for Britain, but these are all unsatisfactory compared with our conspiracy theory. For example, some believe that support for Britain appeals to Americans because we have similar societies. In fact, this is untrue. Unlike our system of democracy, Britain has a monarchy and a parliamentary structure. Moreover, historically, the British were a society based on blood relations. The country profited by the conquest of innocent Angles, Saxons, Jutes, Hibernians and Celts, occupying through war such lands as Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland. And certainly the British Empire ruled large occupied territories and acted in a very oppressive and exploitative manner for centuries, including the trade in opium to China.

Contrary to U.S. interests, Britain absorbed huge amounts of U.S. aid, giving little in return. Rather than be grateful, the British manipulated American policy through a powerful lobby. For example, U.S. Ambassador to the UN Jean Kirkpatrick, a key member of the British lobby, helped ensure American support for British imperial interests in the Falklands.

As if this were not enough, Britain has subjected the United States to massive cultural subversion. With their snobbish manners and exports of illegal tea (See Boston Tea Party), the British have long made fun of the United States. Britain has also deliberately tried to destroy an independent American culture. Need we mention the factors that began the current cultural decline in America—the Beatles and the Rolling Stones?

Now we can also unmask the key figures in the British lobby, the most notorious of all being, Alistair Cooke. Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher hypnotized George Bush Sr., into going to war with Iraq in 1991. Even our food is being contaminated by marmalade, English muffins, and roast beef. And what of the “queen” who, according to reliable sources (see the scholarly publications of Lyndon LaRouche) is a drug smuggler.

Many institutions as well as individuals have served the British lobby, for example the Anglican Church and the many people of English descent who have put their “second homeland” before the United States in their divided loyalties and treachery.

No examination of the British lobby can be complete, however, without a discussion of how the UK conspiracy led the United States into the Iraq war. Prime Minister Tony Blair, facing considerable political troubles at home, provoked the war in order to boost his power and to eliminate a regime that threatened British, but not American, interests. Pretending to be a friend, Blair flew to America and spoke to a joint session of Congress shortly after the September 11 attacks. In fact, though, Usama bin Ladin’s assault on New York and Washington was a protest against the British oppression of Muslims, both historically by British imperialism and today through the treatment of Britain’s Muslim subjects at home. Even the enmity of Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini can be explained in terms of the nefarious British lobby. The real target of Iran was the writer Salman Rushdie protected by—you guessed it—the United Kingdom.

The immediate result, of course, was a U.S. invasion of Afghanistan, fulfilling Britain’s old interest in dominating that country which goes back to the days of the “great game” (note the cynical disregard for human life). No doubt, Blair’s determination to eliminate Saddam Hussein was due to his belief that the democratically elected Iraqi president was supporting the IRA. Yet we must declare: there is no moral reason for preferring Britain to Ba’thist Iraq or to the subway bombers who were understandably protesting British policy by blowing up commuters.
It is vital for Americans to understand how much power Britain wields over America. The administration is filled with “British-Americans” and members of the Anglican Church; Congress never criticizes Britain no matter what it does. Most American presidents have been “WASPs” (white Anglo-Saxon Protestants). This includes, of course, George Bush. As for the media, the totality of British control is clear from the fact that—though it can ruin one’s career to point this out—all U.S. newspapers, radio and television stations are in English! The fact that an entire section of the United States is called “New England” is only more proof of this domination, as if any other evidence is needed.

No doubt the powerful British lobby will come after us and try to destroy us or resort to their favorite trick of blaming all criticism on “anti-limieism.” We will not, however, be deterred from speaking the obvious truth. America must be saved.

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More Comments:

Elliott Aron Green - 9/17/2007

kudos to Barry Rubin on this satire, but it is not all satire. Alistair Cooke -for instance- was sent to the USA during WW2 in order to serve as a British agent of influence, which does not diminish the brilliance of his polished disquisitions. Indeed, the British govt does have an influence over the US govt.

Scott Adler - 4/21/2006

Those foreigners won't sell us their logs, infiltrate Hollywood, and force all those awful sci-fi shows down our throats.

They make us pick up the slack for their own invisible military (it's probably all vacationing at Point Roberts, Washington, or at Plattsburg, New York)

They say, "eh" all the time. And they think that "Zee" is pronounced "Zed".