Tired of the NFL
But this is not today's jeremiad. No, I am here instead to complain about the self-righteous, sanctimonious hypocrisy of the league. Let us keep in mind that this is an entity that sells videos and DVD's celebrating big hits but that punishes defensive players for plays that do not even garner them penalty flags on the field.
The latest flareup involves the Minnesota Vikings wide receiver and bete noir Randy Moss. After he scored his second touchdown of the game against Green Bay on Sunday he ran to the goalpost and simulated mooning the Green bay fans in the stands. Juvenile? Sure. But calling grown men playing a game for millions of dollars"juvenile" seems a bit beside the point, doesn't it?
In any case, the reaction was almost instantaneous. The Fox announcers, particularly Joe"Ramma Lamma Ding Dong, please buy Budweiser" Buck, were livid over Moss's little display. Apparently unaware of actual atrocities in the world, they elevated the FAKE MOONING into the most putrid, disgusting thing they had ever seen and they taxed their little vocabularies to say as much. Indeed, Fox and ESPN were so shocked and appalled that they never showed a replay of the celebration. Keep in mind that ESPN's highlight shows are contractually obligated, or so it would seem, to show every play and extracurricular activity of any consequence after each weekend's games. And yet this one, this FAKE MOONING, apparently crossed all lines of decency.
Please. Have any of you watched an NFL telecast of late? In between the ads for guys who cannot get it up and the ads for guys taking"natural male enhancement pills" which, from what I can tell, keep it up perpetually, in between the ubiquitous beer ads with scantily clad women, in between the gratuitous t&a shots of the cheerleaders (and any comely fans within the sightlines of lecherous cameramen), and in between the ads for the utter dreck that is much network tv programming and that ought to offend any sentient creature, we are supposed to be offended by a FAKE MOONING during a touchdown celebration? Don't get me wrong. I've no problem with men either with or without erections, though their prevalence during football games creeps me out a bit. Lord knows I have no issue whatsoever with beer, with t, or with a, or with the scantily clad women who go with them. And I assume that one person's dreck is another person's viewing pleasure, although I have to say that some of the reality shows on these days ought to make anyone's outrage meter go off the scales. But given the fact of all of these manifestations of the current zeitgeist, and most significantly, on NFL-sanctioned telecasts, please spare me the self-important preening when Randy Moss FAKE MOONS a crowd of football fans in Green Bay.
In all honesty, I wish Randy Moss would shut up, grow up, and just play ball. But Moss is not much different from most pro athletes who, as soon as it was discovered that they could dribble, catch, throw, skate, or hit better than their peer group, were given a free pass to act like asses without consequence. But of all of Randy Moss's transgressions, this one is the least of my worries. And rather than focus on his touchdown celebration, could we please do something about wide receivers preening after getting a meaningless first down in the second quarter of a game they are losing by two touchdowns? -- Now THAT offends the sensibilities.
Even the normally reliable Peter King, of Sports Illustrated, has lost all perspective. In his latest installment of Monday Morning Quarterback King tosses off this little gem:"Simulation-mooning Lambeau is like mooning the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Nonsensical."
Um, no, Peter, simulated mooning of the fans at an NFL football game is nothing like actually mooning the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Nothing at all. And it is utterly stupid to pretend that it is. And what does Lambeau have to do with this anyway? One either believes that what Moss did is wrong or that it was harmless. That it happened in Green Bay should be of no moment. I hate to break up the romantic fantasy, but the fans in Wisconsin are just as much loud, obnoxious, drunken and loutish as fans in Foxboro or Philly or Cleveland or Kansas City. To that I say God love 'em as long as they do not cross the line. But let's not shroud Lambeau in sepia and pretend that the men all show up to games wearing fedoras and shouting"jolly good play" after an opponent does well. Moss said after the game, not that he was getting much of a fair hearing, that he FAKE MOONED the crowd at least in part in response to some of the things folks in that same end zone had said to him over the years. No football fan should be surprised by this. Perhaps if the heavily favored Packers had managed to prevent Moss from scoring twice in their epic gag-job against the underachieving Vikings we all could have had our delicate sensibilities protected from the opportunistic outrage of the FAKE MOONING.
So, NFL, enough already. We know you have muscle and that you will use it -- ask ESPN about that given what happened to Playmakers last year. But do not try to foist your half-baked moralizing on us. It is tiresome. It is hypocritical. And it reveals far more than Randy Moss's fake moon, for it shows us that that the emperor is not wearing any clothes. It is not a pretty sight.
UPDATE: As Jesse David Lamovsky points out in the comments section, it is also worth noting that Colts coach Tony Dungy has in the past day or two told how after games Packers' fans like to (REAL) moon the opposing team's buses. You were saying something, Mr. King?