Ken Shear: Op Ed Rediscovered from 1692

Up in my attic the other night I came across a packet of yellowed papers tied with a frayed ribbon, with the words “For Posterity” written on it. When I picked it up, all the papers but one mostly crumbled into dust. They must have been hundreds of years old so at first I thought it was quite a loss. But, when I looked at the few small scraps remaining, there were phrases like “rights of the people” and “the freedom of the press” which no longer are of much interest anyway in today’s world except as slogans, anyway.

One paper somehow remained intact long enough for me to read it. It was surprisingly modern and insightful, despite being dated 1692. I offer it with the admonition, we should always credit our heritage when credit is due.

Those of you who bewail the methods we have used to wring confession from the lips of our enemies, who say we have been overly harsh with these miscreants, consider:  are you not placing your own comfortable feelings of compassion, and your need to see yourself as sympathetic souls, above the safety of our homes and lives, our daughters and sons, the unsullied heart of our civilized world?

For our enemies, twisted, grotesque souls, have chosen the path of evil and to follow the prince of darkness, in secret and subtle conspiracies, spreading their poisonous schemes against all we hold dear.  Is any baby safe in its cradle when they would burn our houses to the ground?  Is any child safe in her bed when they would seduce her to their vicious ways?  They hate us for our goodness, our prosperity and most of all our righteous ways.

Dare you question our rectitude, when we, having captured one of these evil-doers, and having confirmed all the signs of malice in the prisoner's appearance and demeanor, take suitable steps to force her to disgorge her conspiratorial secrets, that we might use them to thwart her partners in this horrid enterprise? We say, as our vicious foes redouble their plots on our well being, so must we take necessary steps to interdict their evil efforts. 

Yet, we are not monsters!  The body of the wretch is made uncomfortable, surely, but only for our high purpose of wringing truth from her corrupted soul.  It is the prisoner's own doing if her refusal to confess her arcane knowledge requires more drastic steps be taken.   Shall we not use weapons at hand if evil lurks nearby? Not dunk the prisoners' head under the water so that the terror of drowning forces her to disgorge her dreadful secrets?  Shall she lie in comfort or lie pressed beneath the stones that surely can crush from her breast the dark knowledge we would hear from her scarlet lips?

The proof is before you.  Since we have commenced our interrogations, has even one baby been snatched from its cradle by one of these witches?   Not here in Salem!  You of soft heart who would complain that our admitted harshness makes us less human and accomplishes no justifiable end!  Are you prepared for your children to live in peril of these witches who are ready to snatch them away at any moment?  Or shall we keep our progeny safe and secure?  Remember, it is our sons and daughter, and their sons and daughters, who will follow in the path we have carved for them through the wilderness and who will learn by the rigor of our methods to guard their safety.

You say you’d like to see the original? Well, you can’t. I shredded it, so you’ll just have to take my word on the veracity of the document, but then again, you’re used to taking someone’s word for things like this, aren’t you?